horn-y stuff

Some horn-y facts

I'm not a professional horn player, but I have been playing for ... well, more years than I'll admit to here! I was the proud owner of two horns until I sold the first one I ever got; a Holton 279 (screw off bell). I had been playing for almost 20 years before owning my own horn. I now have a Yamaha 867 Custom GB (which also has a screw off bell) and LOVE it! I played a Conn 6D in high school, and did well with it. I made several honor bands, including Area All-State (Western NY), All-County (Erie County) and All-State (NY) and the New York Summer School for Orchestral Studies. Then I went to the State University of NY at Buffalo where I was a music education major, but ran out of money, and joined the Army. I played on a Conn 8D in the Army, and enjoyed that too. I did three years on active duty, stationed at Fort Polk, LA. From there, I went to Japan where I played as a Reservist with the 296th Army Band. When I got back to the states, I played three years in the 108th Division Band, which is a reserve band in Charlotte, NC. Then I transferred to the 246th Army Band - a National Guard band in Columbia, SC, and was in that unit for three years. I also had the privilege of playing with the 282d Army Band, Ft. Jackson, SC for a number of concerts over the years. (They were always short on horn players.) I played for 13 years with the Columbia (SC) Community Concert Band and was first chair for the last 6 or so. I also did their web page, which is still about the way I did it. I moved to Hampton, VA in Sep 2004, for a much better paying job, which is the only reason I stopped playing with CCCB. I'm now in the Chesapeake Bay Wind Ensemble. What I learned about playing on different horns.... Try several different kinds to find out what suits you and your needs best. Don't buy a certain kind just because everyone else plays on it, or it looks the nicest, or it's the cheapest (or most expensive). If you're going to invest in a horn, make sure it's going to serve YOU. Two of the "greats" that I studied with are Duane Saetveit, currently with the Buffalo Philharmonic, and Lowell (Spike) Shaw, of "Bipperies," "Fripperies," et al fame!

Musician Jokes

Why is the French horn a divine instrument?
Because a man blows in it, but only God knows what comes out of it.

A girl went out on a date with a trumpet player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was it? Did his embouchure make him a great kisser?" "Nah," the first girl replied. "That dry, tight, tiny little pucker; it was no fun at all." The next night she went out with a tuba player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?" "Ugh!" the first girl exclaimed. "Those huge, rubbery, blubbery, slobbering slabs of meat; oh, it was just gross!" The next night she went out with a French horn player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?" "Well," the first girl replied, "his kissing was just so-so; but I loved the way he held me!"

How can you make a French horn sound like a trombone?

· Take your hand out of the bell and lose all sense of taste.

· Take your hand out of the bell and miss all of the notes!

What's the difference between a bull and a band?
The bull has the horns in the front and the ass in the back.

What's the difference between a conductor and a sack of fertilizer?
The sack.

What's the difference between a symphony conductor and Dr Scholl's footpads?
Dr Scholl's footpads buck up the feet.

What do do with a horn player that can't play?

· Give him two sticks, put him in the back, and call him a percussionist.

What do you do if he can't do that?

· Take away one of the sticks, put him up front, and call him a conductor.

And for more great instrument jokes, visit http://www.mit.edu/people/jcb/jokes/